Tuesday 21 September 2010

stars and stripes


When I lived in Berkeley, raccoons were a bane of my existence. They crept through the cat flap at night and ransacked the breadbin. They terrorised our pets. They crossed the road unpredictably, eyes shining like stars in the headlight beam. Nonetheless, when I moved to England, I missed their striped cheekiness. They are pests here in Toronto ('Raccoon problems? Call 416-______'). But when I saw my first Canadian one the other night, a shaggy fellow who zigzagged unexpectedly in front of my car, I felt a sense of homecoming. Silly of me. True, though.

going in circles

I love that where we live is a small neighbourhood even though it's in a big city. Already we're meeting people who turn out to know the people we already met. The children my children have invited round to play all turn out to be connected, mainly through the university. I guess it's the campus connection-- something I missed while we were living in Sussex, but forgot I'd been missing.

So I'm not all doom and gloom. Today was lovely. I went to Leslieville, the neighbourhood they named in my honour when I arrived. Not really. I tagged along with a friend to collect an antique cabinet thingy in my massive automobile. There was so much space left that I decided to buy an antique(ish) chair in which to sit and type this post. Much more comfortable than the plastic Ikea stool. It's nice to sit comfortably. I guess I'll stay awhile.

Thursday 16 September 2010

rainy day blues


Still doldrums. Feeling sorry for myself. Months ago, when contemplating the transatlantic travails to come, today is exactly the way I pictured the future. And lo! It has come to pass. There is rain of biblical proportions, with thunder on the right, and gloom as far as the eye can see, which is not very far (especially compared to the lovely rain-soaked view of the South Downs I had in days of yore, from my office in Falmer...)

Husband is at the office, the children are at school. 'Er indoors, aka moi, has been unpacking and doing laundry all morning. It doesn't seem to have made a dent in the stacks of boxes, even though I'm now flattening the empties, as ordered by Conan the Barbarian, who works for the university housing service and comes round to perform various tasks. Last time he was here, Conan chided me for my poor housekeeping and for having too many children and visitors. I keep rehearsing retorts I should have uttered at the time, but of course did not. Suggestions welcome for the next time he invades the house (he has a key).

No one has called or texted. I even rang myself to check that the phones are working. I probably don't exist anymore.

Monday 13 September 2010

doldrums


Life felt a bit like normal this afternoon, and I'm so sad. Normal for Toronto looks to be such a far cry from normal in Hove. On a weekday after school in Hove, I'd have come rushing from work to collect younger children at school, probably at least one of them with a friend, and then we'd all walk home to meet eldest who would have walked home on his own or in the company of classmates. The children would play (and squabble; I don't want to romanticize too much) while I snatched a few moments for a cup of tea and the newspaper before gearing up to prepare dinner. Radio 4 would keep me company and keep time. The Archers would herald husband's arrival, and the evening flurry would begin.

Today, in Toronto, I collected the eldest since he is not quite prepared for making his own way through a city of 5.5 million souls. Arriving home I was concerned to find the house dead quiet, as I expected to find husband with 2 younger children. I rang him and asked where he was. 'At home. Upstairs. In bed,' he mumbled, not feeling well. The kids were on an even higher floor. And I had thought the house was empty! It feels empty, hollow, somehow. Not full of memories and imprints of friends: not normal.

There are still so many boxes to unpack and tasks to accomplish (correcting the birthdate on my driving license for example). But when all that's finally done, when the bed is constructed and the pictures hung, we'll reach normal. And this afternoon's whiff of normal makes me want to lay my head down and cry.

day of the demons


After my 5 visits to Service Ontario at Bay and College, in pursuit of an ultimately (or perhaps penultimately) flawed driving license, I was ready to give the place a wide berth. Sigh. The best-laid plans of woman.

With driving license in hand, insurance arrangements made, husband flown off to work in Boston for the day, and grandparents either asleep or off sightseeing, Friday morning was allocated for me finally to acquire the family car. Negotiations with the dealership netted me a lift from Brian the successful salesman and off I went. While being shown the intricacies of our new behemoth of a vehicle (so much more technically demanding than when we last bought a car almost 9 years ago) my phone rang. Elder child's school announced itself on the display. I answered, of course expecting the customary reassurance that all was okay but that I needed to complete some forgotten form.

But no. 'Hi, this is the school, your son's had an accident. The bleeding has mostly stopped but probably he needs a doctor.' Heart lurching I waited to be informed which bit of anatomy suffered the damage: his finger. Thank heaven not his head but fingers are pretty darned important too. Echoes of the game Clue(do): who, how, what, with what? It was grade 7s in the art room with the scissors and duct tape, it seems. I promised to get to my treasured child ASAP and was then forced to listen to the remainder of Brian's instructions before I could drive away. I did so with near zero attention. I handed him a check, a credit card, a debit card, no doubt my library card too-- anything to get me out of there. If not for the plate glass window between my new car and the street, I probably would have just driven away with him in tow.

When I finally escaped I drove to the school and then realized I had no idea how to approach it on wheels. A parking space appeared immediately in front of the building, behind another car, and I hastily fed the meter a 'toonie' or $2 coin and flew into the building. Slightly wild-eyed, I demanded my son's whereabouts from the bemused school secretary, who obviously had no idea why I was there. A teacher emerged from the corridor and led me to my poor child who sat contentedly in the lunch room eating a slice of watermelon and watching television, a raggedy bandage on his ring finger. A sigh of relief from both of us.

Of course I had not yet (still have not) organized a family doctor nor did I know where to find an emergency room. The teacher suggested a walk-in medical clinic at.... Bay and College. Of course. Of course. The school secretary, enlightened as to why I appeared (I guess bleeding children are a common enough phenomenon that their existence is on a need-to-know basis only, but I would have thought that the school office would get a report?), suggested that the hospital behind the school might have an emergency room. Might? Wouldn't you think that's something a school's employees would need to know? Not in Canada, I guess. We could walk to the hospital.

But when we passed the car, a bright yellow parking ticket waved to us on the windscreen. I had managed to park in a school bus loading zone. My first time ever parking that car. What does it all mean? So, having to remove the car anyway, we drove off. Bay and College beckoned.

At the clinic, the receptionist squinted severely at my temporary health card and said 'This is expired. You'll need to pay $100.' How can it be expired, I asked, when I only received it a couple of days ago. 'Oh yes, you're right, it's good till October 30. My mistake.' But too late, I had been on the verge of emotion and out came the tears. Only one or two but enough to alert 12-year-old son, who gently put his arm around my shoulder. My poor little injured boy, now comforting his old mom (old mind you, but 10 years younger than she was when she moved to Toronto). Is this the beginning of the end? The fledgling looks over the edge of the nest...

As we waited, husband phoned from Boston to ask how everything is going and whether I succeeded in buying car. 'Yes, we have a car. Have you had your meeting yet?' I inquire. 'No, I'm about to start,' he replies. 'Then everything's fine. Call me later.' 'Why,' he askes suspiciously, 'have you crashed it already?' At least I could reassure him on that score. So far.

Eventually treatment is received, free and fair, competent and clean. Son, freshly bandaged finger, my parents (who joined us there) and I wander till we find the car (no ticket!) and wend our way home. There we find in-laws, not up the CN Tower as planned, but in our sitting room, nursing mother-in-law's bruised and bloodied face, as she had tripped over a loose paving stone in front of the tower and is now recovering on our sofa. Father-in-law tried to phone me but of course I was not at home, and in his distress he phoned my old UK mobile number. That's in the kitchen drawer.

Late, I rush off with my mother in tow to retrieve younger children from school. We won't make it in time so I ring a friend and ask her to gather up smallest child who can't be released without an adult. Luckily, they don't seem too picky about which adult it is, and by the time my mom and I arrive, the 7-year-old is happily snacking on friend's cookies.

Home again. Except for younger children, none of us has eaten lunch, and my parents not even breakfast, so we troop across the street to '*$s' as elder son calls the place (aka cappuccinos-r-us). Clustered in a clucking, buzzing huddle (chickens come to mind) we consume quantities of caffeine and pastry, licking our real and spiritual wounds. It must work because behind us, sitting quietly and blamelessly on her own, a young woman spills her entire grande latte over herself, her bag, her book, her leather coat, the floor. Clearly, the demons have left us and begun to torment her.

....In which I grow 10 years younger


Well I finally have an Ontario driver's license. It took 5 visits to the mis-named 'Service Ontario' in the basement of a tall shiny building at Bay and College to obtain it. Visit number one hardly counts; I just popped in on the off-chance that they could help me out then and there. 'No' was the answer, but the woman at the counter helpfully told me their hours: 8 am to 7 pm.

Thus, visit number two, planned with husband, 3 days later, at 6 pm, leaving children in care of grandparents. Again, no luck; the gates of Temple Service Ontario temple were firmly closed, except to cleaning staff glimpsed within. It turns out the extended hours offered me by the nice lady at visit number one only apply certain days. (However, hubby and I did find a pleasant outdoor cafe on campus where we indulged in an impromptu date. Silver linings, etc.)

Visit number three occurred some days later, with children safely in school, many documents in hand, reading matter at the ready, down down down into the basement we marched again, to join a snaking queue for tickets. After answering the receptionist's questions to ascertain that we had everything necessary, we were granted numbered slips of paper and launched into a 2 hour wait. Finally, M24 flashed on the screen and we approached the hallowed counter, only for our hopes to be dashed yet again, as we had not brought the paper 'counterpart' to our UK photo card licenses. This was a calculated risk as husband has not yet located the counterpart to his own license though I knew where mine was. I didn't bring it though out of (misguided?) solidarity and because the intelligence we garnered suggested it wasn't necessary. Ha. Still we indulged in some irate tut-tutting that the receptionist had not specified this in her checklist of necessary items before we waited the two hours.

Visit number four occurred later that day, me on my own, but was again to no avail, as I missed their opening hours. It was a short day. That time, my bad, I own up. At least I was no longer making the trip on foot but by bicycle, so less time was being lost.

Visit number five, again by bike, again on my own, and with only an hour of waiting, I took my place at the altar of a Service Ontario counter. (This visit, by the way, the receptionist took care to ask 'Do you have the two-part license?', before issuing me a numbered ticket, so perhaps the fuss we kicked up at visit number 3 paid off.) Hallelujah! I got a bit worried when the clerk, being helpful as I tried to answer the question 'When did you first get a driving licence?' told me that I had turned 16 in 1985. 'No, in 1975', I replied. 'No, '85,' he insisted. I assured him my authority on this matter was good http://www.blogger.com/and he checked his computer screen carefully for the birthdate he had copied from my passport. 'Oh, yes, you're right,' he told me. Nice to know, and I departed the basement of hell before they began charging me rent, my fistful of official papers in hand.

Only when I got home and conducted a more careful examination of the paperwork issued to me did I discover the awful truth: the dude got my birthdate wrong after all. I'm nine years and 257 days younger than I was, in the eyes of Service Ontario. Which explains why I now write words like 'dude'.

I have a dreadful feeling that visit number six looms in my future.

Friday 3 September 2010

pop cycle-ology


Well, the rains have come, and the tropical heat has broken. The children loved the warm storm and went out to frolic in it (really, they frolicked, just like the Victorians thought they ought). I recounted for them my own mother's reminiscences of playing outdoors in a bathing suit in the summer rains of Brooklyn. It sounded so exotic and so improbable to me as I grew up in California where 'rainy' means 'cold'.

In spite of the gray weather, narrow rays of light are gleaming through. We found a bike shop down the street with a small espresso bar! How perfect. We also located Kensington Market, a wonderful higgledy-piggledy collection of shops and stalls and restaurants, which incidentally is home to another bike shop called 'Bikes on Wheels'. (Eh?, as they say here. On what else would bikes be?)

Earlier in the week some kind friends invited us to join them at a park where we swam al fresco (and for free) in a cheerful public swimming pool. Even better, we all hopped on our bikes to get there. Such freedom, such a sense of belonging, just from propelling oneself on two wheels! James Tanner (Fetus Into Man) wrote of the bicycle's benefit to human populations by reducing inbreeding; I've not yet found references to the machine's positive impact on human psychic well-being but I know it's real.

All in all, it's not so bad. I say this prior to our planned visit to Service Ontario this afternoon, where we must obtain Ontario driving licenses in order to buy a car. I popped in there the other day to have a look and was shocked at what I saw: a blend of the old US Consulate in London with an NHS casualty department. Molded plastic chairs, all occupied, the awkward silence borne of resignation and anxiety, people slumped in corners, and a hand-printed sign saying 'estimated wait time: 2 hours'. In a basement, moreover. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. My in-laws are visiting from London, so we have made plans to go out to dinner tonight after it's all over (they will watch the kids, thank heaven). When I booked a table for 7:30, the guy on the phone asked if I could make it earlier but I explained that we had to go first to Service Ontario. He tsked in commisseration, then laughed abd agreed that earlier was not an option. 'I'll have your drinks waiting for you!' he promised. So I don't expect anything good from this encounter (Service Ontario, I mean, not dinner).

Don't sweat the small stuff, I keep repeating to myself, and it's all small stuff. Okay, trite, bland and derivative. And you know, we are in Toronto, in Canada, in North America. It may be difficult at times but it's not, like, Kibera: check out the blog of the amazing Annalise Blum, who is my favorite candidate of this generation to save the world from itself, and is doing so at the moment in, like, Kibera.

http://annaliseblum.blogspot.com

knobs off

Moving to a new country is such a mixture of the surprisingly familiar and the unexpectedly strange. No one uses online grocery shopping! The bathroom doors don't lock! When I asked the property manager of our rented house if we might have some little hook-and-eye catches on the doors to our smallest rooms, for modesty's sake when we have visitors, she queried what had happened to the locks on the doorknobs. 'Oh, there are no locks,' I assured her. She seemed surprised, but I was sure there were none. I had inspected and palpated. But when the caretaker came round several days later, he ushered me into the bathroom and closed the door behind us. No spooky music started up, so I didn't scream. 'Look,' he commanded, and twizzled the doorknob. I tried to twist it. No luck. It was locked! Still no scary music. 'Now,' he demonstrated, and proceeded to show me the simple, clever and perfectly effective locking-- and releasing--mechanism. I'd never seen it and never would have (never did) guess it was there. When I later stopped by the property manager's office with a small offering in thanks for feeding our cat, I apologized for my troublesome request. She brushed it off, laughing, and said, 'I did wonder what was wrong with you!' she chortled. What's wrong with me is that I don't belong here. I am not Canadian, not of this land with the strange locking doorknobs. I'm not English. And it's been almost 17 years since I lived in America. I don't seem to belong anywhere. Neither here nor there, nor there. Sigh.

First impressions

...So important, aren't they? Thus imagine my chagrin when I realised I'd accidentally told the principal of the younger children's new school that I was my husband's paramour. I didn't mean to say it, and I certainly didn't mean to say it to him, but out it slipped, on the phone. He rang up and asked for my husband, who wasn't home at the time. I offered to take a message. 'So, you're his... his... his...' he said, leading me on. 'Yes, I'm the mistress,' I said flippantly. What was I thinking? What is wrong with me? When will I grow up? Then he introduced himself as the principal, graciously accepted my apologies, and when we met today, seemed to hold no grudges. However I would like to get a look at his marginalia. I mean the notes he keeps on his pupils' families.

'Bade ui'





In west Java, Indonesia, tiny children cry 'bade ui' (bah-day oo-ee) when they are worried or tired or scared. It means 'I want to go home!' But the connotation is less that of place than a state of mind, that of being safe and secure; being cuddled is as soothing as returning to the house.

Yesterday I woke up thinking 'bade ui'. Even silently in my head I sounded plaintive. (The odd tear may have run down my cheek; who's to say?) The shipping container arrived on Tuesday, and the boxes and things had clearly courted, mated, and reproduced on their way across the Atlantic as there are 564 of them (yes, they counted, and we counted them off on our 'inventory bingo sheet'). Our lovely bed couldn't be assembled because the moving company in England didn't send along the hardware. A screw, a screw, my kingdom for a screw! This morning towering cardboard piles menaced me from above the flimsy borrowed mattress on the floor. We're drowning in stuff. Bade ui, bade ui...

Niagara Fallen


What can one say? We've fallen for Niagara Falls. After 2 wonderful and healing days visiting friends in a little town on the shores of Lake Erie, we stopped by one of the seven wonders of the world. (Okay, maybe it's one of the hundred wonders of the world.) It is indeed wonderful. Also the kids are enchanted with lake swimming-- no salt!