The Day After the Day Before

Before:

It's all about the bar mitzvah these days. A wonderful event, a blessed event, a milestone. How has it come about that I'm the parent of a teenager? And what a teenager. I'm so proud of him. My cousin writes a blog about the good enough mother
(http://goodenoughmothering.com/) and that's what I keep asking myself-- am I one? I've uprooted my children, moved them across the Atlantic, and now we are celebrating this amazing time-- thousands of miles distant from most of the children and friends with whom he grew up. We created a slide show ('a photo montage', in the patois of celebratory events (we learned)). It's of our son's life, from early infancy to today. It was truly a labour of love, one of the most pleasurable aspects of preparing for this gala. But it also pierced my heart, because most of those adorable photos of the baby, the toddler, and the primary schoolboy show him with his English friends who won't be with us on the day.

I'm getting terribly stressed about all the things that shouldn't matter. My sisters are excellent listening posts as well as sounding boards. For the most recent upset, one gave sympathetic, reaffirming feedback and the other advised 'Drink wine!' I read that one at about 7 o'clock one morning and pondered whether to pour red or white on my Cheerios. What a duo! Between them, and with a lot of help from my friends in here in Toronto I'm doing okay.

At 24 hours before lift-off, my to-do list is still frighteningly long. I'm so anxious I can hardly sleep. I am never far from my magic vial of Rescue Remedy.

After:

It was marvelous. My boy acquitted himself beautifully. He told us, tells us still, that he was nervous, but you couldn't guess it from looking at him. So composed! So grown up! My baby, my baby. I'm so very proud of him. Maybe I am a good enough mother after all. Or, maybe it's all down to his dad, who is truly fantastic. In any case, somehow, to misquote Rogers and Hammerstein, 'We Must Have Done Something Good (Enough).' There was the odd glitch, which only highlighted son's ability to handle adversity. He stayed calm, cool, and collected for the nearly two hours he was 'on'. And I got through my own speech to him without dissolving in tears (I had done that a few minutes before, listening to his father's beautiful words).

And the party! What fun! I expected to struggle through, to endure rather than to enjoy, but it was great! I think everyone enjoyed it, particularly the 30-odd kids from son's grade 8 class. And it was so wonderful to see how much they care about him. One of his best friends very sadly couldn't make it yesterday and that was a real blow, but it's perfectly clear that he's got a great group of terrific mates. What an affirmation of our move to Toronto. It was so gratifying to watch them having such a blast together. The DJ company which cause me such aggro only days ago did a fantastic job of entertaining the kids and even the adults. All the boxes were ticked. Hours of dancing, games, joy, dancing the hora, chair lifts, speeches (well, one, from Simon), more joy.

The slide show, though. The 'photo montage'. It was beautiful, cute, funny, enjoyable. But it lacked the 'ooohs' and 'Hey! Hey!' and 'That's me!' exclamations that usually pepper such viewings. I had so few photos of this new group of friends. None of them cavorting in playgrounds, splashing in wading pools, toddling tipsily in nappies. The kids displayed on the screen with the toddler version of son are in Durham. The children he horsed around with at primary school are in Brighton. And here he is now, in Toronto. We have moved. On. And away.

But also 'to'. Somehow, he has kept his balance, gained composure, and achieved a place amongst new peers. Thank heaven for our families, so many of whom joined us: the grandparents in the photos were there all along, and again last night, as were the aunts and (most of) the uncles and cousins. I don't know about blood being thicker than water, but it certainly travels better. And we are so very grateful.

The 'to do' list? Still with me. Still contains unticked items. 'Iron the tallit'. Not done. 'Try on dress'. Nope, never got to that. 'Practice the havdalah blessings'. Again, undone. But you know what? It's over! It was fantastic. What was important in the end was what happened, not what didn't happen.

Mazel tov to all of us. So. Until the next time. Two years till younger son is thirteen. Oy vey! I can't wait.